Surviving Tough Situations – Mastering the Pros and Cons Skill for Emotional Tornadoes

Welcome back to CloudVision! This week, we’re taking a fresh approach to surviving emotional storms with a skill that helps you make thoughtful decisions when emotions are whirling around you like a tornado: the Pros and Cons skill. 

Picture this: you’re standing on a windy hill, and a massive storm is brewing. You can either try to outrun it—maybe even make some risky moves—or find shelter, evaluate the situation, and make the best decision based on the circumstances. The Pros and Cons skill is that shelter—it helps you pause, consider the consequences, and choose your next move wisely. 

Let’s jump into how you can use this skill when life’s emotional tornadoes hit, and how it can save you from making decisions you’ll regret later. 

What Is the Pros and Cons Skill? 

Pros and Cons is a simple but powerful tool used in DBT to weigh the benefits and drawbacks of different actions, especially when you’re in an emotionally charged situation. When emotions are running high, it’s easy to get swept up in the moment and make impulsive decisions—like saying something hurtful during an argument or avoiding a difficult task because of fear or anxiety.

Pros and Cons is your mental checklist to help you slow down and make strategic decisions. It’s like taking a moment to assess the weather before deciding if you should stay put, grab an umbrella, or make a run for it. By breaking down the advantages and disadvantages of each choice, you give yourself the space to act thoughtfully rather than emotionally. 

Why Pros and Cons Matter 

When you’re emotionally overwhelmed, your brain often defaults to short-term relief over long-term benefit. This can lead to impulsive actions—whether it’s quitting a job out of frustration, sending a risky text, or avoiding an important task. The Pros and Cons skill helps you zoom out from that emotional pressure and consider how your decisions will impact you both in the short and long term. 

It’s not about forcing yourself into one decision or another—it’s about gaining clarity and making sure you’re moving in a direction that aligns with your values and goals. 

Scenario: Emma’s Emotional Crossroads 

Let’s take a look at how the Pros and Cons skill works in action. 

Meet Emma. Emma’s just had a heated argument with her partner, and she’s furious. The storm of anger is swirling around her, and she’s at a crossroads: she could either lash out and say something hurtful (which feels very tempting in the heat of the moment) or take a step back and cool down before deciding how to handle the situation. 

The urge to fire off a harsh text is strong, but Emma remembers her Pros and Cons skill. Here’s how Emma uses Pros and Cons to navigate this emotional tornado.

Step 1: Identify the Choice 

Emma recognizes she’s at a decision point: she can either send the hurtful message to her partner or hold off and wait until she’s calmed down. 

• Choice 1: Fire off a message full of angry accusations. 

• Choice 2: Take some time to cool down before responding thoughtfully.

  
  

Step 2: Weigh the Pof Each Choice Pros and Cons

Emma sits down with a notepad (or in her mind) and quickly writes out the pros and cons of each option. Here’s what she comes up with: 

Choice 1: Send the Angry Message 

• Pros: 

  • I’ll feel a release in the moment.

  • My partner will know exactly how upset I am. 

• Cons: 

  • I might say things I don’t mean and hurt my partner. 

  • It could escalate the argument further. 

  • I’ll feel guilty later for being hurtful. 

  • This won’t solve the problem. 

Choice 2: Take Time to Cool Down 

• Pros: 

  • I’ll have time to think clearly and avoid making things worse. 

  • I can respond in a way that’s true to my values. 

  • I’ll feel more in control of my emotions. 

  • The conversation will likely be more productive later. 

• Cons: 

  • I won’t get immediate emotional relief. 

  • It might feel frustrating to hold back in the moment. 

  
  

Step 3: Make a Thoughtful Decision 

After looking at the pros and cons, it becomes clear to Emma that holding off on sending the message is the better long-term option. Even though it’s tempting to fire off a hurtful text in the moment, she knows that this will only escalate things and cause more regret later. By taking time to cool down, she’s protecting the relationship and avoiding a bigger emotional storm. 

• What Emma does: She decides to wait until she’s calmer, and then revisit the conversation with her partner in a more constructive way. 

Why Pros and Cons Work 

The Pros and Cons skill works because it forces you to pause and step outside of your emotional impulse. By weighing the advantages and disadvantages of your options, you’re able to see beyond the immediate emotional relief and make choices that are aligned with your long-term values and goals. 

It’s like getting a weather forecast before heading out into a storm. Instead of making a hasty decision based on how you feel in the moment, you gain perspective and make a thoughtful choice. 

Research in the Journal of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy shows that using tools like Pros and Cons helps individuals make better decisions, especially in moments of high emotional intensity, by giving them a framework to reflect on the potential consequences of their actions. 

How to Practice Pros and Cons in Daily Life

Here’s how you can start using the Pros and Cons skill when faced with a difficult decision or emotional impulse: 

1. Identify the Choice 

First, recognize that you’re at a decision point. What are the two or more options you’re considering? Write them down or mentally identify them. 

2. List the Pros and Cons 

For each choice, quickly jot down the benefits and drawbacks. Don’t overthink it—just let yourself honestly list the pros and cons of each option, including short-term and long-term effects. 

3. Compare 

Look at both sides. Which option aligns better with your long-term goals and values? Which choice will you likely feel better about in the future, not just in the moment? 

4. Make Your Decision 

Once you’ve weighed the options, make a decision that feels right for both your immediate needs and your long-term well-being. 

Final Thoughts: Weathering the Storm with Thoughtful Choices 

The Pros and Cons skill is a powerful way to pause and reflect before you act, especially in moments when emotions are running high. Instead of letting yourself get swept up in the emotional whirlwind, you’re able to take shelter, assess the situation, and choose a path that feels true to you.

So, the next time you’re standing at a crossroads in an emotional storm, take a moment to weigh your options, and choose the path that leads to calm and clarity. 

Scientific Reference: 

1. Nezu, A. M., Nezu, C. M., & Lombardo, E. R. (2004). Cognitive-behavioral case formulation and treatment design. Journal of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, 20(3), 315-328. 

   
   

Next week, we’ll explore Dialectical Thinking—how to find balance when life feels like it’s pulling you in two directions. Until then, keep practicing Pros and Cons, and remember: thoughtful decisions are your best defense against emotional tornadoes.